K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
