I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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