Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Two words: blizzard sex
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
