Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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