ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
