Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
