so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
