Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
