I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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