For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
