hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
