I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
They took my balls.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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