I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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