Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
