There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
there is puke in my bra ... again
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