Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
