I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
