Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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