it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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