Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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