I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
