Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
