I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
In other news, I just burned my penis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
