I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
