Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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