the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
