Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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