Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
