just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
