Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
