he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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