So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I currently don't understand fingers.
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