why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
