I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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