i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
