He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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