official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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