Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
