Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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