i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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