Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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