So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
