i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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