the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
