it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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