She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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