I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
