There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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