You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
