i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
