i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
