That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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