come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
