Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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