i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
