I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
