this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
