i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
