just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
