The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
