Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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