you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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