Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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