This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
