I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
