Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
