dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
