long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
