Too much gin, very little bucket
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
