In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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