It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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