Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
